Screenplay
Vindicta
FADE IN:
700:AM TUESDAY 7TH OCTOBER - Title on screen
INT. MR HUGHES’ LIVING ROOM - EARLY MORNING
MR HUGHES is sat emotionless, staring off into the distance, wearing an unkept beard. He has blood splattered over his face. The room is filled with several pictures of a happy family, one showing a girl dressed in school uniform. There is a dog basket on the floor. He is restless and cannot keep his foot from tapping.
EXT. MR HUGHES’ HOUSE
Rain is lashing across the window of the house. Blue lights reflect off it as two police cars pull up on the road outside of the house.
INT. MR HUGHES’ LIVING ROOM
The living room door opens and two policemen walk in.
(Police Officer Mitchell)(O.S)
Mr Hughes?
Mr Hughes says nothing in return. He is still emotionless and his leg has now stopped tapping.
(Police Officer Mitchell)(O.S)
Mr Hughes? You said you have something to
tell us.
Mr Hughes’ eyes tear up. One tear rolls down his face, mixing with the blood and eventually disappearing into his beard.
1:00AM TUESDAY 7TH OCTOBER - Title on screen
INT. MR HUGHES’ LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Mr Hughes is pacing around the living room. His breathing is ragged and he has a hammer in his hand. Although there are no lights on in the room, the eerie light from the full moon shines in through the window. Mr Hughes raises the hammer to his temple, his hand shaking, and pulls it back as if to hit himself. Mr Hughes lets out a pained scream and collapses on the sofa sobbing. He cannot hit himself. His sobs come out silently with the cries getting caught in the back of his throat.
Mr Hughes puts his head in his hands, still sobbing. He looks down and sees blood on his hands; it has rubbed off from his face. He lets out a whimper. Mr Hughes’ breathing slows and he begins to study the room. It is a typical suburban living room: two sofas, a television, a circular mirror on the wall, and a bookshelf by the door.
On the bookshelf are a series of pictures. Mr Hughes walks over to the bookshelf and takes a look at each one. The first picture is of Mr Hughes with a blonde woman and a young blonde child. It is evident that they are his wife and daughter. Mr Hughes and the blonde woman have a big smile on their faces as the girl blows out candles on a birthday cake. The moonlight flickers on the photo as Mr Hughes takes the picture out of the frame and carefully puts it in his pocket.
Mr Hughes then studies each of the other photos in turn. The rest of the pictures show happy memories of a family life. Mr Hughes turns and looks at himself in the mirror; his face is stricken with pain and loss. He has blood smeared on his face and a scratch across his cheek.
Mr Hughes lets out a ragged gasp as the blonde woman from the photos appears in the mirror behind him. She has a radiant glow and angelic aura about her. His eyes widen as in a split second the woman is thrown towards the mirror. A harsh scream of agony and that of smashing glass sounds. Mr Hughes screams himself and throws himself to the floor, sobbing again. He looks up to see no blonde woman and the mirror not broken.
Mr Hughes’ eyes are now mad and wild. He rushes to the table where he put down the hammer and picks it up. Mr Hughes strides back over to look at himself in the mirror. His breathing is quicker and more ragged again. He pulls the hammer back, readying to hit himself.
Then, the blonde woman appears once more in the mirror. Mr Hughes pauses. The hammer is inches away from his temple.
(Mr Hughes)
A-a-abbie...it can’t be...you’re dead.
Abbie, the blonde woman, puts her finger to her lips, shushing her husband.
(Abbie)
Not you darling...him.
Mr Hughes is still looking in the mirror. Abbie walks up behind him and brings the arm holding the hammer down away from this head.
Mr Hughes turns around to reach out and touch Abbie, but she has gone. She was simply an apparition.
He turns back around to the mirror. His breathing is now calmer.
(Mr Hughes)
Not you...him.
Mr Hughes nods at himself in the mirror.
(Mr Hughes)
Not you...him
Mr Hughes’ breathing has now steadied. He looks down to the hammer in his hand and grips it tight. He then looks back at the mirror with a blank stare. He leaves the living room at pace.
2:00AM TUESDAY 7TH OCTOBER - Title on screen
EXT. COUNCIL HOUSE
Mr Hughes is in his car outside a council estate. He is parked across the street from a house and is focusing on the house. There is a black Volkswagen Polo parked outside. In the background there is music quietly pulsing. In the house there are strobe lights and there is a party going on. Mr Hughes continues to watch the house intently, with his focus occasionally flickering to the Polo.
INT. MR HUGHES’ CAR
Mr Hughes glances down at the car dashboard. It is 2:05am and 5 degrees. He turns his focus back to the house and sits waiting.
3:00AM TUESDAY 7TH OCTOBER - Title on screen
EXT. COUNCIL HOUSE
Mr Hughes has his head against the window of his car. He stiffens and sits up as people come out of the house. They have beer bottles and cans in their hands and are hugging each other goodbye, walking their separate ways. Mr Hughes focuses on one young-looking man who has evidently hosted the party. He hangs back by the front door whilst saying goodbye to the other people leaving. Once everyone has left, the man returns back inside the house and closes the door. The black Polo is still there.
Mr Hughes slumps in his seat.
4:10AM TUESDAY 7TH OCTOBER - Title on screen
INT. MR HUGHES’ CAR
Mr Hughes is looking panicked and uncomfortable now as he again looks down at his dashboard. It is now 4:10am and 3 degrees. Mr Hughes glances through the car window. Fog has now descended on the street.
Mr Hughes raises his hands up to his face. They are shaking. He reaches out to the glove box and opens it. The hammer is in the glove box, wrapped half-heartedly in a kitchen towel. Mr Hughes picks it up and studies it. Once more, he puts the blunt edge of the hammer up against his temple. This time however, he gently presses the hammer against his head. Mr Hughes calmly puts the hammer down onto the passenger seat. His hands are still.
(Mr Hughes)
Not you...him.
Mr Hughes, still carrying a calm demeanour, reaches into his pocket and pulls out the now slightly crumpled picture of his family.
(Mr Hughes)
I love you both.
He kisses the picture twice.
EXT. COUNCIL HOUSE ESTATE
There is absolute silence. There is nobody about; everyone is oblivious to Mr Hughes sat in his car. The fog has fully descended now. The atmosphere is very eerie. Through the fog comes Mr Hughes. He is walking towards the house. All that can be seen is his silhouette which is illuminated by the dim street lights.
He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out the hammer, still walking towards the house. Mr Hughes arrives at the front door of the house, stops, and rests his head against it. He raises his fist to knock and pauses in hesitation.
Mr Hughes brings his fist down. His head still rests against the door. He screws his eyes up. It is clear he is restless and is contemplating what to do.
Mr Hughes then puts the hammer in his pocket and turns away from the door. He steps away, having clearly decided not to carry out what he initially intended to. He gulps in the cold morning air.
Mr Hughes continues to step away from the door and heads back towards his car. He reaches out to open the car door and he sees ‘not you him’ written over his hand. He looks up and sees his reflection in the car window. Barely legible but scrawled over Mr Hughes’ face is ‘not you him’. Mr Hughes stares back at himself in horror and recoils.
There is then the sound of a nearby door opening. In hearing this, Mr Hughes closes his eyes and turns around.
The door that has opened is to the house Mr Hughes had been watching, where the young man lives. The young man stumbles out of the door carrying a rubbish bag. He is wearing a white t-shirt covered with neon paint. He is quite clearly drunk. He lifts the lid of a wheelie bin up and after two attempts manages to put the bin bag he is carrying in. In this time, Mr Hughes has edged closer towards the house, covering the distance between the young man and himself.
The young man turns back around and sees Mr Hughes. They hold each other’s gaze.
(TOM - the young man)
You alright geez? Rough night ey?
Mr Hughes is breathing heavily; anger is etched across his bloodied face. His hand reaches back inside his pocket and he pulls the hammer out. His hands are shaking again but this time with anger and resentment.
The young man is still standing by the wheelie bin, his face now looking worried.
(TOM)
You be on your way now mate.
There is a long pause as the young man waits for Mr Hughes to move on from the house. Mr Hughes remains outside the house, staring at the young man.
stood
Behind the young man an apparition of Abbie appears yet again. She has an angelic aura about her and is smiling.
(Abbie)
Do it. Do it, my darling.
An apparition of Laura, the small blonde girl from the photo, comes out from behind Abbie’s leg.
(Laura)
Do it Daddy. Kill him. Kill him for us.
Mr Hughes glances over to the young man who is mumbling at him. Mr Hughes has a pained expression on his face.
(Mr Hughes)
I c...c...can’t! I’m so sorry but I can’t!
Mr Hughes’ focus snaps back to look at his family. They are now bruised and covered in blood, their bodies contorted. Both the girl and woman begin screaming at Mr Hughes in a disturbing manner.
Mr Hughes is then transported back to the happenings of the night and screams with terror.
START OF FLASHBACK
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT
Mr Hughes is looking at the scene in front of him. He can see the open road with his Volvo Estate car severely crumpled in the verge. There is glass smashed everywhere. There is a bloodied teddybear on the floor. Abbie and Laura are limp and lifeless in the passenger seats of the car. He watches himself in the front seat slowly come back to consciousness before hopelessly trying to revive his dead family. A black VW Polo then reverses out the back of the Volvo at speed, hitting a tree as it does so. The ‘present’ Mr Hughes turns to watch the Polo and catches a glimpse of the car’s interior. It is filled with empty Carling cans and a bottle of vodka. The car then takes off down the country road, swerving as it drives off into the distance.
END OF FLASHBACK
4:20AM TUESDAY 7TH OCTOBER - Title on screen
EXT. COUNCIL HOUSE - NIGHT
The apparitions of Mr Hughes’ family have gone. Mr Hughes looks pale. He is shocked by what he has just seen. He takes a deep breath. There is madness in his eyes. The young man looks worried and starts to head to the door of the house. Mr Hughes’ eyes flick towards him. Mr Hughes walks intently over to where the young man is standing.
(TOM)
Wait, st...
Mr Hughes raises his arm gripping the hammer in his hand. Mr Hughes strikes the young man across the head with the hammer. The young man is hit with so much force that his body spins and hits the black Polo parked outside the house with a sickening thud. The car alarm sounds.
The young man’s motionless body slides down the car and slumps on the floor. Blood begins to collect by the wheel of the car. Mr Hughes stands over the body, now with fresh blood splattered across his face and chest. He is breathing heavily and quickly and his eyes are wide. The car alarm is still going and lights start to turn on in neighbouring houses. A dog starts to bark in the background. Mr Hughes drops the hammer and turns to walk back to the car. As he reaches out to open the car door, he looks at his reflection once more in the car window. The writing has gone. He now appears desperate and frantically opens the car door. He accelerates the car hard and drives off down the street into the distance.
8:00AM TUESDAY 7TH OCTOBER - Title on screen
EXT. MR HUGHES’ HOUSE
The rising sunlight reflects off the window of Mr Hughes’ house. Two police cars are parked outside the house. A police officer marches Mr Hughes outside from the front door of his house and firmly puts him in the backseat of one of the police cars.
Two male police officers, one more senior looking than the other, are leaning on one of the cars whilst sipping coffees.
(Police Officer Jones)
Horrible isn’t it.
(Police Sergeant Smith)
Fucked situation.
The police men stand silently drinking their coffees. They both have a sorrowful look on their faces. A voice comes through the more senior officer’s radio
(Radio Officer Greville)
Sergeant?
(Police Sergeant Smith)
Receiving.
(Radio Officer Greville)
I have confirmation of the body found
at 13 Casper Road. It is that of
Michael Balcon, age 22.
(Police Sergeant Smith)
Balcon? The owner of the car that
caused the crash yesterday? Suspected
to be heavily intoxicated?
(Radio Officer Greville)
Well...that’s the thing Sir...
(Police Sergeant Smith)
Go on...
(Radio Officer Greville)
We have multiple witness reports that
Michael Balcon never left his house
that night.
Police Sergeant Smith is silent. He is confused and is trying to make sense of the information the police officer on the radio has just given him.
(Radio Officer Greville)
If I may Sir...we have also been told
that his father, Ronald Balcon, has
been an alcoholic for years. He lost
his license a few weeks back and we
had been alerted that on multiple
occasions he may have been driving
his son’s car illegally.
Police Sergeant Smith closes his eyes and winces. He opens his mouth to speak but cannot as he is so shocked.
(Radio Officer Greville)
Sir?
(Police Sergeant Smith)
Yes Officer, that will be all. Thank you.
FADE OUT
THE END
Critical Commentary
I started the writing process for my script by looking to films and shows that I had watched that stood out to me. I then looked between them to identify why these films stood out to me and how they went about doing that, looking in depth at a variety of aspects such as themes, storylines, characters and settings. Taking the best from the aspects I collected, I brainstormed how I could incorporate similar ideas into my 10-minute screenplay; my aim was to avoid anything unoriginal and create a script that would be impactful to the audience.
The first aspect I established was the theme: revenge. I came to choose this theme as I wanted to ensure that I could create an interesting and gripping story, despite the length of the script. The idea of revenge appeared to be a good solution to this as it could provide a reason for the intent of the actions of the main character (whom I had not yet developed). In terms of the storyline, one important influence I want to mention is Leo Tolstoy; I noted that a typical ‘good’ versus ‘bad’ conflict may not be the most effective, and so I settled on having an interior conflict of the main character at the core of the script. This made the script less predictable compared to if I would have had the opposition simply as the man who the revenge is sought after. Tying in with these two aspects is the genre of the script. With the aim of creating tense moments which I had already partly achieved through the revenge theme, I concluded that a thriller genre would be suitable. I wanted to create moments that would fill the viewer with dread, when certain realisations are made. One main influence here was when the word ‘redrum’ is reflected off a mirror to reveal the word ‘murder’ in ‘The Shining’ by Stanley Kubrick.
I will now talk about the strengths and weaknesses of my script, alongside the feedback that I received from the module workshops. There were two weaknesses that were made apparent through feedback, so I was able to rectify these for my finished script. The main problem related to the main character, Mr Hughes. In my feedback, there was agreement that my initial story of Mr Hughes killing the young man was unjustifiable and that it seemed very far-fetched. I overcame this in two ways. Firstly, I developed Mr Hughes character; I made him appear more broken and desperate. This was the case of adding in more specific description, e.g. ‘cries getting caught in his throat’. Secondly, I focused the act of killing around an internal conflict Mr Hughes was having, influenced by apparitions of his dead family. This then made it clear that Mr Hughes had reached a point of insanity and derangement, making the scene when he kills the young man much more believable.
The other weakness which was brought forward through my feedback was related to one of the scenes I initially had in the script. To depict Mr Hughes’ close family life, I had included a flashback to his daughters birthday party, which shows happy family times. During the workshops we agreed this scene wasn’t needed. To overcome this weakness, I identified what I wished to get across in this scene; I wanted to make it clear the happy life Mr Hughes used to have. The way I got over this weakness was using family photos, so I included a moment in the script where Mr Hughes looks at a photo of his family and takes the picture. To reinforce this I also include a moment later on where he kisses the photo.
I will now discuss some of the weakness I have pinpointed when reflecting on my finished script. Firstly, especially when considering the theme of revenge, I could have made the script more subtle. In that way I think it could have been more effective, particularly when trying to create the dread-filled moments I intended to. To be able to do this I think I would need to look more in depth at the story line and more specifically at the part which links in the young man’s father as being responsible for the death of Mr Hughes’ family. Another weakness that I recognised is in relation to the scene where Mr Hughes’ arms and face reveal the words ‘not you him’ scrawled on them. Here, I was aiming to create a horror-filled response from the audience but I feel it falls slightly short. For this to have full effect I think there needed to be much more of a build up to have this as a climax moment. I could have done this by maybe changing some of the visual storytelling to make Mr Hughes seem much more frantic. This would indicate to the audience that there was a big moment approaching, so their minds would already start to fill with dread.
I will now discuss a strength of my script. What I think I have done well in terms of the plot is made it easy to follow but without revealing too much information throughout or by having an information dump. Because of this, I feel the scene at the end of the script where the realisation is made that Mr Hughes’ has killed the wrong person is very effective. I plant small seeds of information throughout, which makes this conclusion being reached understandable yet still a shock. I did this firstly by having the apparitions of Mr Hughes’ family to make it clear that they were dead, and then also included the flashback to make it clear that they died in a car crash.
I will now conclude with self reflection on the module and my script. In terms of the module, I definitely learnt a lot. Besides being new to the technicalities of writing a script and being able to look in depth at those, I feel I enjoyed and also responded well to the two workshop sessions; these were key moments for me. It was vey useful to get feedback on my ideas and script, mainly because it allowed me to begin to understand my script from an audience perspective. This was something that I had not really considered up until then, so it made me step back and look at the bigger picture, allowing me to modify my script to a much better level. As expressed in my weaknesses, one thing I would have done differently would be to focus on having a deeper meaning, introducing more subtly. I think having never written a script before, it was hard for me to try to think of a metaphor, for example, to work into the storyline, however, I feel going forward in writing another script I would fair much better. Nevertheless, overall I am very pleased with how my script turned out.