(There seems to be a problem with the format of the website, between the modern and the period monologue. However, it only appears in the published version so I can not figure out how to fix it.)
Monologues for PDP
Modern Monologue 1
Play: Laughter on the 23rd floor – Neil Simon
IRA. (Holds his chest.) I can’t breathe. I can’t catch my breath. I think it’s a heart- attack. It
could be a stroke. Don’t panic, just do what I tell you. (He sits with his coat on. He
talks breathlessly.) Call Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. Ask for Dr. Milton
Bruckman. Tell him I got a sharp stabbing pain down my left arm across my chest,
down my back into my left leg. If he’s in surgery, call Dr. Frank Banzerini at St.
John’s Hospital, sixth floor, Cardiology. Tell him I suddenly got this burning
sensation in my stomach. At first I thought it was breakfast, I had smoked salmon. It was still smoking. It didn’t feel right going down. If his line is busy, call the Clayton and Marcus Pharmacy on 72nd and Madison. Ask for Al. Tell him I need a refill on my prescription from Dr. Schneider. I can’t remember the drug. Zodioprotozoc. No. Vasco something. Vasco da Dama, what the hell was it? I can’t get air to my brain …
This scarf is choking me, get it off my neck. (He pulls it off, throws it away. NO ONE has moved. They’ve all been through this before.) Don’t call my wife, no, maybe you should call her. But don’t tell her it’s a stroke. If she thinks it’s a stroke, she’ll call my mother. I have no time to talk to my mother, she drives me crazy. (He begins to hyperventilate and wheeze, looking to the others who just stare) This could be it, I swear to God. (He still wheezes, then looks at Kenny.) Why are you just sitting there?
What the hell are you waiting for. (He gets up.) You think this is a joke? You think
this is funny? You think I would walk in here with a pain so bad … I … wait a
minute! (He holds his chest.) Wait a-minute! … Hold it! Wait a minute! (He doesn’t
move.) Ohhh. OHHH … I just passed gas! Thank God! I thought it was all over for
me. Whoo.
Modern monologue 2
Play: Mother Teresa is dead -Helen Edmundson
Is that what you thought I’d do? Bring him halfway round the world to see some woman who might not even be his mother?
Well, what’s this about a baby then? A baby in a bag? (He points to the carrier bag.)What’s that then?
Well?
And Jurisprudence, Medicine,–
And even, alas! Theology,–
From end to end, with labor keen;
And here, poor fool! with all my lore
I stand, no wiser than before:
I’m Magister–yea, Doctor–hight,
And straight or cross-wise, wrong or right,
These ten years long, with many woes,
I’ve led my scholars by the nose,–
And see, that nothing can be known!
That knowledge cuts me to the bone.
I’m cleverer, true, than those fops of teachers,
Doctors and Magisters, Scribes and Preachers;
Neither scruples nor doubts come now to smite me,
Nor Hell nor Devil can longer affright me.
For this, all pleasure am I foregoing;
I do not pretend to aught worth knowing,
I do not pretend I could be a teacher
To help or convert a fellow-creature.
Then, too, I’ve neither lands nor gold,
Nor the world’s least pomp or honor hold–
No dog would endure such a curst existence!
Wherefore, from Magic I seek assistance,
That many a secret perchance I reach
Through spirit-power and spirit-speech,
And thus the bitter task forego
Of saying the things I do not know,–
That I may detect the inmost force
Which binds the world, and guides its course;
Its germs, productive powers explore,
And rummage in empty words no more!
And again in its german original for auditions in germany :
Habe nun, ach! Philosophie,
Juristerei and Medizin,
Und leider auch Theologie
Durchaus studiert, mit heißem Bemühn.
Da steh’ ich nun, ich armer Tor,
Und bin so klug als wie zuvor!
Heiße Magister, heiße Doktor gar,
Und ziehe schon an die zehen Jahr’
Herauf, herab und quer und krumm
Meine Schüler an der Nase herum –
Und sehe, dass wir nichts wissen können!
Das will mir schier das Herz verbrennen.
Zwar bin ich gescheiter als alle die Laffen,
Doktoren, Magister, Schreiber und Pfaffen;
Mich plagen keine Skrupel noch Zweifel,
Fürchte mich weder vor Hölle noch Teufel –
Dafür ist mir auch alle Freud’ entrissen,
Bilde mir nicht ein, was Rechts zu wissen,
Bilde mir nicht ein, ich könnte was lehren,
Die Menschen zu bessern und zu bekehren.
Auch hab’ ich weder Gut noch Geld,
Noch Ehr’ und Herrlichkeit der Welt;
Es möchte kein Hund so länger leben!
Drum hab’ ich mich der Magie ergeben,
Ob mir durch Geistes Kraft und Mund
Nicht manch Geheimnis würde kund;
Dass ich nicht mehr mit sauerm Schweiß
Zu sagen brauche, was ich nicht weiß;
Dass ich erkenne, was die Welt
Im Innersten zusammenhält,
Schau’ alle Wirkenskraft und Samen,
Und tu’ nicht mehr in Worten kramen.
Please find below my two contrasting songs attached as a PDF.
Being Alive – Company
Bat out of Hell – Bat out of Hell the Musical